I hasten to add that I removed the following anecdote from the lecture I presented last year at The Explorers Club in New York City concerning the rare Papaua Panda which I first observed on the eastern slope of Mt. Wilhelm.

On my way to New Guinea to begin my panda research, I had a layover in Frankfurt, Germany so I thought I'd take a quick hike in Holzhausen Park before retiring to bed early in order to catch my flight first thing the next morning.

I am quite used to wearing shorts to hike in, even when the temperature approaches zero degrees centigrade, and I am tall for a woman, much of my weight residing in my muscular legs honed traipsing up and down mountains on each of the seven continents.

Looking back upon the incident in question, I now believe it was my long muscular legs that attracted these two ruffians to me because, as I was midway along the park's main path, they sprung from a bench I had just passed, dashed after me, and tried to pull me into the bushes to do God knows what. I gave the first a swift kick to the groin, which put him out of commission, when his cohort jumped upon my back.

I might interject here that the men were in their late twenties, dark blond hair, one had a mustache. Both of medium built and height. I quickly threw off the second assailant and pinned him to the ground by placing my hiking boot squarely in the middle of his stomach. Pulling his right arm up and twisting it, I thereby focused my weight downward. I then surveyed the area for his mustache-clad accomplice but he was nowhere to be seen.

I was about to give this second hooligan a swift kick to the cranium to insure he knew who was boss, when the strangest glint came to his eyes and he began mumbling the word anus over and over again, pointing to his posterior. The word anus is the same in German as it is in English as is the word enema, which he also began repeating. My German being primarily scientific, I was quick to catch the word for water.

This poor brute, who only now had attempted to mug me, had become sexually aroused and was requesting that I give him an enema! I have been known to dress a wounded Sherpa's leg in a white out at 7,000 meters so it was a simple task to fashion an enema bag out of one of the balloons from the carousel up the path then fill it with water from the fountain across the way as my young assailant removed his clothes in the bushes and stuck a bamboo reed he found up his anus. I then secured the water-filled balloon over this hollow stick and squeezed the bulb until all water had entered his colon. From the look on his face he seemed to have become quite satisfied, at which point I resumed my hike, none worse for wear.